An Average Teen

Has there ever been a time when I’ve let you down? Where could I have gone wrong? Are you ashamed of the way that I turned out? I feel lost. Like I’m swimming in an aquatic globe of nonexistence. Oblivion means a state of being or utterly forgotten. This is how I feel. My stupor controls my every move, and I’m floundering for a foot hold on the wall of audacity. My strength is limited; I need a greater power to pull me to my feet. “God help me!” I scream into the night. What do you want from me? Have you given up on me? I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, there are others. They are all searching for the same object, acceptance. Little girls need to hear you are beautiful and precious, dream big. Little boys need to hear you are strong and able, you are good enough. If you don’t hear when you are young, then you will never grow up. Broken hearts and shattered dreams are all we have to show for our years in adolescence. We cry out for somebody anybody, but they just put us down and tell us we are scum. Listen to me now. I will be heard even if the others won’t. I demand your attention, give it to me! Don’t you see I’ve changed? Don’t you wonder why? It’s because you wouldn’t tell me what I needed to hear, so I went looking for it somewhere else. I left you behind long ago. I escaped, escaped into my own creation. I told myself those things you refused me, and others who didn’t care about me took advantage of my vulnerability. Don’t you see? You did this to me. You forced me to flee. I and you both ruined me. My stricken core, my beaten body, they are barely breathing. My laboring lungs slowly fill with life giving air. Any second now it could all be gone, it could all be over. It would be so easy to give up on you like you have so readily done for me. Just one last breath and then it can end. Death, such a sweet sounding word. But no isn’t this what you wanted? I will fight! I will not give up. I must survive, because no matter what you think I have a purpose. There is one who will listen. There is one who will care. That one will rescue me. That one will save my yearning soul. Only He knows who I truly am. Only He can satisfy my desire to be known, loved, accepted. I forgive you. You may have beaten me, or wounded my heart, or perhaps your only crime was that of unintentional disregard. It no longer matters for He has come and shown me the ultimate sacrifice. He has wiped every tear from my eye and made my lungs strong again, that I might live and love the way he lives and loves. I will forgive you but I will never forget you, for the trap of reoccurrence is far too easily found.