Collision

I can shut the world out by just closing my eyes
So simply that it takes no effort
One eyelid
Two
Thin layers of skin protecting me
Darkness is my solace
Keeps me from going insane
An emotionless mask graces my face, hiding me from all that I see
That I might be
I cannot see it coming, so therefore does it not come?
A car rushing towards me
Time freezes
And in the aftermath that teases I realize
A piece is missing from the puzzle
A crease in the fabric
A cease in the fire
From the sight of the beast and the screech of the tire
To the loudest silence I’ve ever heard
Panic
Tears forming
Breath heaving
Satanic
A ghostly thought creeps in my soul
Is this it?
I’m sickened to the point of dread
A mistake I can’t take back
No rewind button, no do over to play
My eyes close again keeping demons at bay
The angry jaws locked on my hood
A heinous flaw etched in the glass
And pain
Unrelenting and unforgiving
A shout pregnant with anger and blame
Snakes its way across the smoky battlefield
To my…undamaged ear
A hammer and chisel
Chipping hastily away at my fragile composure
And down fall the tears
As confirmed are my fears
That this…
This is big
Too big for me
Is this really my fault?
What have I done?
Guilt and fear, shame and dread
With the small consolation that…
At least no one’s dead
But that glaring crunch in the hood of my car
Locked on the bumper of a big SUV
Our scar of cars ripped on a one lane road
And the sound of the sirens that strode on the air
A rush to our aid
A blush on my face
Telling my side was only a waste
Repeating my name and age for the umpteenth time
With head and wrist throbbing
And an unsettling ringing in my deafened ear
Until every paramedic, firefighter, and cop
Had viewed the place where we came to a stop
Furrowed brow, streaming tears
The fear almost gone
But something’s not right
It still feels all wrong
Lurking in the back
An eerie sneering gremlin
But pain and hurt trump this thought
Locking it away in a tight box
Soon all I know are comforting arms and caresses